Linda^* makes a deliberate effort to be an active listener in a discussion with Igor^*. She gives time to the discussion with him and puts all distractions to one side. She listens carefully to what Igor says and nods consciously to demonstrate understanding and attention. She even remembers to reformulate in order to show that she has understood his message. She bounces off what Igor says and gives examples based on her own experience.

Despite all Linda’s efforts to be an active listener, Igor leaves the discussion feeling unheard and close to feeling dismissed. What went wrong?

In this article, I would like to share with you how difficult active listening can be and how we can improve this skill.

Back to basics: Active listening is when you not only hear what someone is saying, but are also attuned to their thoughts and feelings. If you actively listen to someone, you are turning a conversation into an active, non-competitive, two-way interaction.

Each of us has a natural listening style:

• A task-oriented listener is focused on the efficient transfer of important information.
• An analytical listener is primarily analysing a problem.
• A relational listener tries to build a connection and respond to the speaker’s emotions.
• A critical listener judges the content of the conversation and, possibly, the speaker themselves.

I admit to being, in my everyday interactions, a mixture of an analytical and critical listener, mostly inherited from previous functions, but, in my role as Ombud, I make a conscious effort to be an active listener when visitors share with me the challenging situations they are facing.

The art of active listening requires a conscious and deliberate effort on three levels:

Cognitive: you have to devote all your attention to what the other person is saying, either explicitly or implicitly, and you have to understand and integrate this information.

Emotional: you must manage your own emotions during the conversation. Many emotions may well up inside you during a conversation: enthusiasm, surprise, excitement, but also annoyance, boredom or even anger. You must be conscious of your own emotions, as they have no place in active listening.

Behavioural: you need to convey interest and understanding, verbally and non-verbally.

As Ombud, I very much like and fully adhere to this metaphor[1] of an active listener acting as a trampoline:

“You’re not a sponge merely absorbing information. Instead, think of yourself more like a trampoline that gives the speaker’s thoughts energy, acceleration, height, and amplification.”

Still, it’s far from easy to go from simply absorbing information – like a sponge – to helping your colleague abandon an inefficient thought process and bounce back. One way to achieve this and ensure that you actively listen to the ongoing conversation is to ask yourself simple questions:

• Why do I need to listen right now?

Reflecting on the purpose of the conversation, both for you and for your colleague, will help you to decide which type of listener you need to be at that moment. Empathy and consideration of the other’s needs will help you tune your listening style.

• Who is the focus of attention?

This is another pitfall to be aware of, especially for the Ombud. We are all tempted to quote stories from our personal experience, but this steers the conversation away from the needs and perceptions of your interlocutor. It takes experience to resist this temptation, which is detrimental to active listening.

• Am I really listening?

Very often, in our everyday conversations, we think about what we’re going to say next to our colleague, or what question we’re going to ask. This is no longer listening. We may also be busy thinking of ways to convey attention: Should I nod now? Unfold my arms? Smile? Lean forward? And so on.). In both cases, we are no longer listening.

• Am I still listening?

Especially in those cases where our interlocutors are rather talkative, we tend to think that we have heard enough to form an opinion, stop listening and surreptitiously check our smartphones. We are no longer listening, and they may be saying something that is really key to helping them unlock the situation.

• What could I be missing that my colleague is not telling me?

Active listening is all about asking the right questions, which will help your interlocutors to reflect on their issue and how they are approaching it. They may also give important non-verbal clues, such as how uncertain, vulnerable, confident or confused they may feel. These clues will help you to adapt your questions.

Reflecting on your natural listening style and asking yourself these simple questions will help you to practise effective active listening. It takes extensive experience to become an active listener, but your interlocutor will leave the conversation feeling heard and understood, which is the first step to overcoming a challenging issue. Moreover, research shows that those who engage in active listening are seen as more competent, likeable and trustworthy by others.

Allow me to wish you all a very happy, healthy and peaceful 2024, under the auspices of open-mindedness, empathy and true collaboration!

Laure Esteveny

* Names are fictitious

This article is inspired by an article by Amy Gallo published in the Harvard Business Review journal, 2 January 2024: “What is active listening?”

I would like to hear your reactions and suggestions – join the CERN Ombud Mattermost team at https://mattermost.web.cern.ch/cern-ombud/.

More information on the role of the CERN Ombud and how to contact her can be found at https://ombud.web.cern.ch.